Wednesday, 24 February 2016
My thoughts on self improvement
I hate that when I say that I have inner problems of self confidence or that I want to improve on myself in any way then people just start saying that I 'shouldn't listen to what other people say and that I'm fine the way I am.' That's really nice and all but its kinda missing the point, because it doesn't matter what other people think but that's not part of the problem. I have goals and I prioritize self control and self discipline in myself, which makes me very disappointed when I can't achieve goals that I set out for myself. Its even less about the goals and me not doing my best and giving up on things I want to do, like I would be okay if I didn't reach my goal but I still stuck to it and did my best.
Like right now I want to get in shape before I go to California and I've set a pretty hard to reach goal, that said as long as I stick to the diet and exercise plan I will not be disappointed. I have always felt a lack of control in so many areas of my life that loosing my grip of the ones I do control feels really bad. It's not about being skinny. Yes I've gained weight while on sick leave and of course that bothers me, but its a lot about feeling tired and weak at the same time. I gained weight because I stopped getting out and exercising. I don't feel like myself.
I posted recently about feeling like my Lolita outfits have stagnated and its not about not getting enough likes or comments. Its not that somebody told me I'm not good enough. I just don't feel like I'm improving in something that to me is an art. I'm really happy that people still like my outfits and want to see them and really thank you for the kind comments. But there is more that I want to achieve. So I'm going to keep fighting and trying my best to get better at it and try new ideas.
If I didn't work hard on getting better I never would of met all the wonderful people I have around me now. I never would of traveled around. I never would of had the things I have today. I'm still here because I decided a long time ago to not give up even when things were the hardest and people told me I was worthless. And if I keep working hard then more good things will come.
I'm not working hard for the approval of others, because I know my boyfriend, family and friends love me the way I am and that's the people that really matter. Its not important how many times I fail, the important thing is to keep trying your best. Giving myself a break because I'm depressed sounds good in theory but its just making me more sad and tired. I want to have a healthy body, I want to make more videos, I want to dress better, I want to draw better and I want to push myself to get out and work hard at just doing my best. Thank you for reading this. Don't forget to try your best and even if you fail you haven't lost until you give up.
I was going to make a short facebook post about this but its getting a bit long so I decided I might as well post it on my blog.